Self-Discovery: Reclaim The Woman You Were Created To Be

“I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love”

I was roughly 20 years old when the popular and “transforming” “Eat, Pray, Love” made it’s way to theaters. Now, don’t hate me and stop reading this post if you loathe what I’m about to say… but I like really really disliked the movie. I mean, I’m fairly certain I discovered the eye roll in that theater. I’m being cheeky of course, but that movie really got under my skin. The whole concept of traveling around the world by yourself to discover yourself was just annoying.

However, now at the ripe age of 27, I get it. I get what people are looking for. I understand why women need to discover themselves.

We go through those terribly awkward years in middle school, then the desperate years in high school, and by the time we get to college our hearts are broken, our friendships are fractured, and we have no idea what is our favorite food because we just always go with what everyone recommends.

The chains of insecurity. The desperate need for affirmation and love. The trauma we experience throughout life. These things morph our personalities into some ungodly zombie that’s walking around but dead on the inside.
And now, we’re not even attractive. You’re no longer interesting and unique when you try to be like everyone else and make everyone around you happy.

So we seem controlled and put together to the world, but on the inside, we are dying with anxiety, depression, insecurity, and self-hatred.

Indeed, we are crippled.

You see, Jesus was radical in the way he loved women. He liberated us from the moment he came to earth. In those days women had VERY strict ways of living. They couldn’t be around other people when they were on their period. They had strict ways of dressing. Sadly, in those days, they were seen as the weaker person rather than image bearers of the same mighty God as men.
But when Jesus came, he changed things. He loved women so radically that it has transformed us for eternity.

John 12:3
“Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair…”

Mary’s display of honor and devotion is amazing. And in a culture where this could have been seen as sexual behavior, the Bible records it as an incredible expression of love to Jesus. She was able to live life as a fully reclaimed disciple because of the love of Jesus. And ultimately her life was fearless and FULLY ALIVE because of it.

No more rejection issues.
No more insecurities.
No more fear or anxiety.

She was reclaimed and redeemed.

How did she get there?

To understand how Mary got to this type of living, we have to look back and see where she started.

We first see Mary lingering at the feet of Jesus in Luke 10

This caused agitation with Martha (Mary’s sister). Scripture tells us that Martha complained of the workload, but Mary continued to stay at the feet of Jesus.

This tells me Mary was a natural individualist.

In that culture, the woman was supposed to be the one maintaining the home and cooking.

Bustling around a home was not Mary’s natural disposition.

In a culture where there were very specific gender roles, can you image the shame she probably felt with not wanting to be that way?

I presume she didn’t feel that shame here at Jesus’ feet. She was able to rest. Which is why I think she lingered.

But then, something terrible happens. Her brother gets sick. (John 11)

The sisters try to get Jesus to come while he’s sick because they believe in his healing power.

Jesus doesn’t come.
Lazarus dies.

Jesus shows up after Lazarus had been in the grave for 4 days. Imagine the stench.
He was totally dead. This isn’t like resuscitating CPR… this is like buried in the ground… dead.

Jesus heads to their town.
Martha runs out to meet him as soon as she hears that he’s near.
Mary, on the other hand, doesn’t move. She stayed in the house…

Isn’t this interesting? Mary, who was found lingering and staying at the feet of Jesus, didn’t go to him. Why? I can imagine because of the disappointment in Jesus. I too have felt that disappointment. The heartache of death. The pain of unanswered prayers.

After Jesus speaks with Martha, he calls and asks Mary to come.
Mary goes to Jesus and when she sees him she falls to his feet and says “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Jesus weeps when he sees Mary weeping. He cared for her and Lazarus. Our pain means something to Jesus.

Jesus raises Lazarus from the grave. He is brought back to life.

John 12:3
“Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair…”

Now, we can see that this is “THEREFORE” her response to Jesus raising Lazarus from the grave.

We are Mary.

Let me explain…
When God created you, He created you to be a unique individual. He created you to have your own personality. Your own preferences. Your own talents and gifting. Your own unique traits.

And then you experience life.
You experience rejection…
…to name a few.

The woman you were intended to be has been morphed by the experiences you’ve gone through.

Mary got to see a glimpse of her true self when she was in the presence of Jesus. She saw that she didn’t want to be like everyone else. She didn’t want to uphold a façade. But wanted to live authentic to the life God had called her to live.

But it wasn’t until Lazarus was brought back to life that she was able to fully live her reclaimed life.

God did not intend for Lazarus to die.
He also did not intend for us to experience those traumatic moments.

Once Lazarus was raised from the grave, and Mary saw that Jesus can fully save, she was able to live as the full person that God had intended her to be.

She was reclaimed.

This is real self-discovery.

Mary anointed Jesus with a VERY expensive perfume (a year’s wages), and pulled her hair down and wiped the oil up with it.

This displayed completed freedom.
She was so secure. So confident. She could be countercultural and fully love Jesus with complete honor, devotion, and humility.

Like Mary, do you feel obligated to live in the expectations or roles that have been placed on you? Do you feel ashamed by not conforming to those expectations? Don’t live in that shame or constant striving. Instead, linger at Jesus’ feet and embrace the freedom that He has offered to you.

This too can be the life you live, sister. Living a life fully alive. Fully free. Fully Redeemed. Completely Reclaimed.

Today, my prayer for you is that you would see the life God intended you to live and begin to walk in it. That you would dream big again. That you would feel confident in your own skin. That you would speak your mind.

Through Jesus, we can let our hair down and be the exact unique individual we were designed to be.

Take a step that way today.


For further study, and reading, as you endeavor on your journey of discovering and reclaiming the woman God intended you to be:
– Without Rival, Lisa Bevere
– So Long Insecurity, Beth Moore


More about Amaris

20 something wife and mother! Inspiring women to live fearlessly, authentically, and to thrive where ever they're planted.