You know that feeling when you want something so desperately you end up having anxiety about it because you think about it all the time? You find yourself feeling frustrated with the place you’re in because you’re not where you dreamt you would be?This is me.I’m a dreamer.
When I was a little girl I would day dream about all my 11 (yes 11) children, my handsome husband, and our 3 story home with a suite connected for the nanny… Lofty dreams, I know 😉
I only dreamed about being a mother. I didn’t have crazy aspirations to be a career woman. I didn’t want to go to law school. I just wanted to stay home with my babies and tend to their every cry.
Am I the only person that ends up obsessively wanting those lofty dreams, and because I so desperately want them, I do uncharacterized things to get them?
No? Let me explain.
Before I met my husband, I desperately wanted the affirmation of men, and the happily ever after I dreamt about as a little girl. So, driven by a desperation to see my dreams become a reality, with every guy that I dated I would change myself to be what they wanted. I envied what all the other women around me had.
I wanted to be loved. Romanced. Pursued. I wanted to fall in love and create babies and have a perfect little life. I wanted those things that Nicholas Sparks feeds my brain with. So with each guy that came my way, I changed myself, my likes/dislikes, to be what I perceived he wanted me to be.
We can do this with a lot of stuff…
We lie, because we want what we want.
We give up friendships for a more “popular” friend.
We cheap out on real love for the guy we’re okay with settling with.
Insert whatever your selling out example is.
I started to see this as a pattern in my life when it came to dreams or wants. I would sell out my character, or voice, to get that thing that I thought I wanted. And I would often get it, but at the stake of losing a piece of me.
Until one morning when I was reading my Bible, I came across this verse:
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
I wanted that peace that the Bible speaks of. I wanted to feel content with the place I was in. I wanted to stop selling out…
So I started to dig. I started to study.
How do I get this peace that gives life to my very body?
And I found the answer… it was in the second half of the verse.
Look ⇒ “But envy rots the bones.”
I’ll break it down for you:
»Envy can also be described as discontentment. (Crazy to think when we are “discontent” with the place we are in, we are being envious of something God hasn’t given us).
»Rotting is a process of death (decaying).
»Bones can also (in original text) be described as the ESSENCE of a person… Or that persons God given nature or spirit.
So I read it like this:
“But envy (discontentment) kills the person God designed you to be.”
Wow, was I convicted.
When we are envious of something God hasn’t given us, or discontent in the place where we’re at, it will kill the very essence and spirit that God has created us to be! We will kill who God has designed us to be, in order to be like someone else or to have what someone else wants.
Here’s my answer:
Peace comes when contentment comes. Peace comes when I’m fully living the life God has designed for me to live.
This verse has dramatically changed my heart, and now I am walking in the fullness that God has designed for me. I am living out my dreams every.single.day. I am fully alive here.now.
My dear, sister.
God has created only one of you. The world needs you. Don’t sell out for something you dream about. Work hard for that dream, and walk the paved road that God has destined for you… not the road your friend or acquaintance is walking.
YOU can do this.